And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She's JV to your varsity
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just forgot I was standing up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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