Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
