we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
