he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You pole danced in your parka.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
