AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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