If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
