I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
