I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I supernannyed him into submission
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
