just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
