Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
