if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
