Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He better not be in your backpack
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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