Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
