You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
