my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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