never play flip cup with pint glasses
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
