I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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