My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
