There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize