Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
