he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
