I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
where are my eyebrows?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
