in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
