What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
