I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
