Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
