i think i have herpe
just one?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
