Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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