just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
