my phone needs a breathalizer
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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