Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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