Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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