I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I faked an abortion last night.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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