Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's the barista slut.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
