I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
