if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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