Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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