You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
