Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
