Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
