Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
