Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
