You smell like stripper and shame
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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