Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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