We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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