We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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