i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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