are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
