mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
