Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
