I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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