i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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