I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
