I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
