well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
