he referred to my room as the tit cave...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
