oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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