Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
