I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
