Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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