careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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