I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
