You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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