One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He kissed a someone with a penis
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
