This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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