She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
