I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it's like heaven, but drunker
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
