It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
